Category: Family Matters


 

“You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock?

How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world; she has a body to die for, and her current wealth and predicted wealth is shadowed only by Oprah, who even Steadman will tell you, isn’t attractive.

But your wife, who recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now the named “America’s Sweetheart”; you also remember she just won an Oscar (which translates to more money per picture she makes in the future)…while you were shacking with that tattooed freak, who just happens to be a former stripper and is someone’s mommy.

You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated a**hole cheater on the planet! And while the State of California is a no-fault state whereby you may be able to take half of your wife’s wealth, in doing so you would only be hated even more…especially after Sandra’s speech during the Oscars in which she did nothing but praise you. How can you live with yourself after she even cared for your children?

I only have one thing to say to a despicable, miserable, cheating piece of crap that you are:

Thank You!! You really helped to take the heat off of of me. Let’s do lunch sometime and compare notes.

~Tiger Woods”

The author of ‘An Open Letter to Jesse James’ remains anonymous. (courtesy of examiner.com)

This joke is hilarious.  But as I read it, it gets me thinking.

I think Jesse James and Tiger Woods are pretty average looking.  They have celebrity status and money, but if they didn’t have that would women take a second look at them.  In my opinion, I think these guys married very well.  Their wives are very attractive, intelligent and willing to put up with them.  What would possess them to cheat on their wives not only once, but multiple times.  And might I add, most of women were not at all attractive.  What were they thinking?

Now if these guys had no problems cheating on there wives, where does that leave us average girls? 

Cheating doesn’t just happen to celebrities.  It happens to everyday people and it occurs more often than not.  You can find it easily on reality tv or just flip on “Cheaters.” 

I’ll be honest.  I don’t like first dates or new relationships. I don’t get a thrill when I go out on a first date, I’m normally pretty nervous and anxious.  New relationships also kinda freak me out.  I’m more comfortable when I’m exclusively with someone.  I don’t casually date anyone or juggle more than one guy at the same time.  That’s too much work and knowing my luck, I would get them mixed up and call them by the wrong name.  Typically I know right off the bat if I like a guy or not.  If I don’t like them or I feel there’s no chemistry, normally there isn’t a second date.

Serial monogamy is the best way to describe how I date.  I don’t freak out at the idea of spending my life with someone.  I look forward to it.  While I find comfort in monogamy, in the back of my mind, I wonder if it’s realistic.  I don’t like cheaters and I don’t ever want to be cheated on.  I think if my boyfriend wanted to be with someone else. He just needs to be honest with me and break up.  I don’t like being lied to. 

Obviously, a lot of people cheat, but I also think monogamy is not the norm anymore.  Times are so different than they use to be. People are looking to always “spice” up their relationship.  Awhile back, Oprah did a show on swingers.  Really?? I also think that some people believe they have a lot of love to give. I was watching MTV’s True Life and they were talking about polyamorous couples.  What’s up with that? 

Maybe I’m just a simple person, but I’m interested in what others think.  Is monogamy becoming extinct?

Growing up, I didn’t have any pets.  Actually, I take that back.  When I was in junior high school I had some goldfish. I accidentally killed them; however, my sister didn’t see it that way.  For a week, she called me a murderer because I overfed them or something and they died.  Whoops!

I didn’t get a dog until after I graduated college.  In 2001, I was living with my first boyfriend.  We decided to get a pitbull.  My boyfriend at that time knew of a breeder in his hometown.  We bought a blond pitbull and named him Rocco.  Rocco was the cutest puppy ever.  He had big floppy ears and loved to chase his tail.  Rocco was full of energy and life; however, we knew he needed a companion.  A year later I told my boyfriend that I wanted a Chihuahua.  I scoured the papers looking for one when I came across and add selling Chihuahuas for $75. 

Today, I would never buy a dog from a breeder.  I would get the dog from a shelter; however, I was looking for something more specific and the Shelters in the area did not have any Chihuahuas for me to adopt.  I answered an ad and my boyfriend took me to the breeder’s house.  She lived in St. Louis City and not in a very good location.  The breeder had three puppies left.  I picked up the small multi-colored black, brown and white puppy.  I feel in love with her immediately and bought her right on the spot.

My ex-boyfriend knew that she wasn’t a Chihuahua, but I think he knew that I didn’t care. We think she was a Rat Terrier/Chihuahua mix,  but to this day we still aren’t sure. We named my dog Loco.  I know the correct name for her should have been Loca, but I thought it was cute to have the dogs’s names match.  So Loco and Rocco were their names.  When she was a puppy, Loco fit in the palm of my hand.  She never grew more than 13 lbs.  Even though she was small, she was a very active dog.  She could go on long walks and hikes, no problem.  Even though she was energetic, she also was very laid backed.

Sadly, though, my first boyfriend and I broke up.  There was no way that I could have taken care of Rocco.  He had grown into a 75 lb dog.  His tail was like a whip and would hurt if you got to close.  Even though Rocco was a loyal dog, his energy was just too great for me to maintain.  So he went with my ex-boyfriend.  Luckily, Ihad Loco to keep me company.

If you ask my friends, most of them would say that Loco was a crazy dog.  She barked wildly at people upon meeting them.  I remember one time she got out of the house.  A grandmother was walking her grandchild in the park by my house.  Loco spotted them an immediately charged at them.  The woman screamed, scooped up her grandchild and had her on top of her head.  We quickly got Loco, but it was definitely a sight to be seen. 

She was only crazy around strangers.  Once she got to know you, though, she was your friend for life.  Many nights we sat around watching tv together.  But her favorite activity was playing fetch.  She loved it when I would throw her toy down the stairs and she would run down them, grab the toy and bring it back up to me.  Also, we loved to flip her on her back.  She was never scared or mad, but loved the attention she recieved.  I definitely spoiled my dog.  She had plenty of treats and toys, but she deserved it.  My parents called her Paris after Paris Hilton because she was acted like a princess.  They even bought her a pink collar with “diamonds” on it. 

On December 10, 2008, I had to put Loco down.  It was the saddest and hardest day of my life.  Loco got really, really sick and there was nothing I could do to help her.  I took her at 1 a.m. to the emergency animal hospital in Mesa.  At 4:00 a.m. I called my boyfriend and together we were in the room as the vet euthanized her.  I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was so hard to let her go. 

To this day, I sometimes cry because I miss her so much.  We spent six years together.  She helped me through two break-ups and a move out to Arizona.  She put up with me when I dressed her up for Halloween.  Throughout the years, she was a witch, princess, bat, lady bug and skunk.  We would dance together to our favorite tunes.  And we loved to hike.  Loco has hiked Pichacho Peak and South Mountain.  I also loved to let her off her leash when no one was around and she would run around the field by my house.  She would run so far and fast.  It was truly a sight to see.  We had so many good times together, so it’s hard to accept the fact that she’s gone.

One day I will get another dog.  I know that even though I had to put her down, I did the right thing.  She was suffering and I could not bear for her to suffer anymore.  I sometimes tell myself that I would never put myself through this again.  But a good friend reminded me that a pets purpose is to bring happiness to your life.  Yes, it’s unfortunate to have to lose your “best friend,” but it’s reality when you own a pet.  For Loco’s legacy, I will always remember the good times we shared and I feel confident that she is in a much better place.  I plan to get another dog next year and I would love to find a dog just like Loco.

This Wednesday is the two year anniversary of my first date with my boyfriend.  It’s hard for me to believe that we’ve dated for this long.  I know it’s cheesy, but sometimes I feel like we just started dating.  I absolutely adore my boyfriend and I’m happy we are celebrating two wonderful (sarcastic “long”) years together.
 
Of course being in a relationship, we’ve had “The Talk.” Every couple knows about “The Talk.”  This is a discussion about “where’s our relationship going?” “do you see marriage/children in our future?” and oh the dreaded  questions (at least to me) about living together.
  
Yes there’s the idea of living with someone to spend more time together or for financial or practical reasons, but to me cohabitating is a lot more than that.  My beliefs do not stem from religion or the fairytale fantasy to be swept off my feet and taken care of.  I actually lived with my first boyfriend.  It didn’t end well and left a bad impression, but that’s not my main reason for not diving so quickly into shacking up either. 
 
Last month, I saw a story on the Today Show about “shacking up” before marriage.  Approximately 70% of couples in the U.S. live together; however, the segment focused on the fact that people who live together before getting married experience a lower quality of satisfaction and even contemplate splitting up or divorce after marriage.
 
The report revealed research suggesting that cohabitation in itself can result in lousier marriages, but the reasons why couples move-in together could also impact the relationship quality. In a study, more than 60 percent of participants ranked spending more time together as the number-one reason for moving in. This was followed by 19 percent who stated sound financial reasons for cohabitating.
 
The result that placed a shocking 3rd and has me the most concerned is that 14% reported wanting to test out the relationship before marriage.  These respondents also reported that they were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication and report lower confidence in the quality and stability of their relationships.
 
I’m amazed when I talk to people about cohabitating.  Many peope think that testing out a relationship before making a life-long committment is important to having a successful marriage.  I’ve heard this statement so many times from my friends…”Don’t you want to know if you can live with the person before marrying him.”  Maybe I’m naive, but I feel that I know in myself that I’m in it for the long-haul. I believe that moving in together to test out a relationship is doomed for failure from the beginning.  I don’t want to feel like someone is testing me to see if we will work.  I believe all couples need to work together to make it work.  To me, living together provides too easy of an out.  Marriage is also an easy out as well–50% of marriages end in divorce.  So it all can be a crap shoot.
 
Anyway, I don’t feel I have to explain my relationship to anyone.  I just thought that this was an interesting topic to blog about.  I’m confident in my relationship, but I want to know what you think. So weigh-in and post a comment.  Whatever happens in my relationship with my boyfriend happens for a reason whether it’s good or bad.  But it won’t happen because someone told us it should happen a certain way or it’s what everyone else is doing.  Whatever our relationship holds in our future is something we will determine together, between the two of us.

*Disclaimer:  I absolutely love my mom and I think she is one of the most amazing people I know.  She’s the glue that holds our family together.  This blog is dedicated to her and all the moms that have perfected the “guilt trip” 🙂

This afternoon, I received a call from my mom.  It started off like our usual weekly conversations.  Instead of  saying, “Hi, how are you?”  a common greeting of most people, she says, “Hi, is everything okay?”  I spend about a minute telling her that work is busy as usual, Arizona is hot and my boyfriend is doing well.  She then spends the next five to ten minutes talking about her vacations, my dad, my niece, my sister, her concerns about our family, her friends, shopping, etc.  Then the call suddenly ends with, “It was nice talking to you, take care, love you, bye bye (click).”

 Today’s conversation was not like our usual.  A few weeks ago, I told my mom that my boyfriend and I were going to visit San Francisco in October.  We jumped on the awesome Southwest airfare deals.  In addition, I welcomed the idea of taking a nice vacation in the Fall.  Come mid-October to February I don’t dare think about taking a vacation.  That’s our busiest time at Crisis Nursery and my concentration is on my work.  So I consider this vacation my calm before the storm. 

Last week, my mom received a phone call from my cousin.  My cousin immigrated to the US from the Philippines a few years ago.  I’ve only seen her about three times my entire life.  She’s really cool, but throughout the years we just haven’t kept in touch.  She called her last week to inform my parents that she was getting married in Lake Tahoe  in the Fall.  My trip to San Francisco with my boyfriend is during the time she gets married.  My mom got all excited because she knew I was going to be in the vicinity. 

Normally, I would immediately be on board with going to Tahoe.  But because I planned the trip, I told her that I needed to communicate to my boyfriend of the possible side trip.  I told my mom that I would talk to him about it.  She told me that she would pay for our lodging and transportation to Tahoe.  As attractive as that deal sounded, I know the right thing to do is to discuss it with my boyfriend first before making any decisions.  Even though I told her that I needed to time to discuss it, my response still wasn’t good enough.  She wanted my confirmation right then and there.  Immediately, I get the guilt trip.  “Remember Irene… family comes first.”

Arrgghhhh! That’s like nails on a blackboard to me.  My first thought was “Oh…she has the nerve!” Whenever, I get a chance, I make sure I make at least one trip home to St. Louis to see my family.  My boyfriend and I went to St. Louis to visit in June.  Prior to that trip, I was in St. Louis in March.  Granted both trips coincided with my friends’s weddings, I still spent a majority of my time with my family.  I hung with my niece and my dad.   My dad is retired and is also the permanent babysitter.   My mom and sister both work a lot of hours.  So even though I go to visit, they normally don’t take time off.  And that’s ok.

I know my mom means well and I know she is laying it on thick because she wants me to be there. I can’t fault her for that.  But I know you all know what I’m going through.  I still have yet to meet someone who’s mom doesn’t know how to push buttons and lay on the guilt trip.  I wouldn’t be who I am today without my mom.  And if it means putting up with some guilt trips, that’s okay with me.  I know I have put her through a lot (like childbirth) and its her right as my mom to give me guilt trips.  I love her very much, but she knows how to get under my skin sometimes.  Enough said!

Every so often my boyfriend asks me “Why are you the way you are?”  That question normally comes up after I say or do something that would baffle most people…most importantly him.

Even though he says it to tease me…I thought it would be a nice start to my first blog.  So why am I the way I am?

To shed light on this subject…let’s look back at the last couple of years.  I’ve gone through a couple of leadership programs and in those programs I took the Myers-Briggs and Emergenetics Personality Type Test.  According to my Myers-Briggs, I’m a INFP (Introvert, iNtuition, Feeling, Perceiving). From http://www.personalitypage.com/INFP_car.html this is what it says about me and my careerpath.

INFPs generally have the following traits:

Strong value systems
Warmly interested in people
Service-oriented, usually putting the needs of others above their own
Loyal and devoted to people and causes
Future-oriented
Growth-oriented; always want to be growing in a positive direction
Creative and inspirational
Flexible and laid-back, unless a ruling principle is violated
Sensitive and complex
Dislike dealing with details and routine work
Original and individualistic – “out of the mainstream”
Excellent written communication skills
Prefer to work alone, and may have problems working on teams
Value deep and authentic relationships
Want to be seen and appreciated for who they are
The INFP is a special, sensitive individual who needs a career which is more than a job. The INFP needs to feel that everything they do in their lives is in accordance with their strongly-felt value systems, and is moving them and/or others in a positive, growth-oriented direction. They are driven to do something meaningful and purposeful with their lives. The INFP will be happiest in careers which allow them to live their daily lives in accordance with their values, and which work towards the greater good of humanity. It’s worth mentioning that nearly all of the truly great writers in the world have been INFPs.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an INFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the INFP:

Writers
Counselors / Social Workers
Teachers / Professors
Psychologists
Psychiatrists
Musicians
Clergy / Religious Workers

Interesting findings, especially in the career column.  I am a social worker who writes. Go figure after I nearly repeated the 1st grade because my english profiency was behind other 1st graders. 

Anyway, I think the most interesting part of my Myers-Briggs assessment is the fact that I’m an introvert.  When it was announced in my leadership class what my profile came to be, the whole class  balked at the idea that I’m an introvert.  My job and my interest involve being social with people.  Networking…being a “connector” or “maven” (thank you “Tipping Point”) are things pe0ple who know me best would say about me.  How can the Communications and Marketing Manager be an Introvert? Nonetheless, that’s what I am…I think what shed a little more light on why I am the way that I am comes from my Emergenetics profile.  I’m a Red, Green.  To find out more about Emergenetics, go to www.emergenetics.com.

Anyway, my profile came out to be a mostly Red/Green Profile.  For the most part, my profile indicates that I’m a social/structured being.  When I actually find my profile, I’ll write more about it.  Regardless, the personality assessments I’ve taken have given me great insight on who I am and where I’m heading in life.

So in summary, “why am I the way I am?” and my answer is, “I am who I am.”  A lover of life, spontaneous and at times chaotic.  Loyal and committed to those who mean the most to me…my family, my boyfriend and my best friends.  I’m a workaholic because I love my work.  I love helping those in need and spreading the word about people and organizations who do good work.  I’m dedicated to community development, making it better on all aspects.  Empowering people to do the best they can in life, so that they can be productive citizen and contribute back to our community.

I also enjoy the simple things in life, like a walk in the park, reading a book at a coffeehouse, watchin reality tv.  I’m also a bit geeky, but that adds to my well-rounded nature. I’m very random too. I love happy hours.  I have a hard time watching movies at home, and a hard time justifying watching a movie in a theatre (have you seen the cost to watch a movie lately). I’m addicted to NCIS, Food Network anything on BRAVO especially the Real Houswives (all of them), Millionaire Matchmaker, Top Chef, My Life on the D List, etc. I love all types of music…dance, hip hop, classical…you name it.  I’ll admit it…I’ve played World of Warcraft and made it to a level 73.  I also admit…I lost interest in it.  I love to cook.  I love the WWE.  I love shoes.  I love to hike and mountain bike.  I’m clumsy and trip a lot. I can go on and on…and I believe if I’m bored one day I will.

Anyway, this is a little insight to who I am…if you want to learn more.  Holla! Follow me on twitter! http://www.twitter.com/iaagustin

I promise my next blogs will be a little more profound.  Until next time…